we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
