Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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