The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
