Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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