At least make sure they are 18
Why
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
