Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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