I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
