you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
