I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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