he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
