I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
