its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
