I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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