If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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