Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
