how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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