so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
