Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
