definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
