New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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