fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
