if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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