All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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