NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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