is your mom at the bar?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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