Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
