I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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