Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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