Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
