So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
