just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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