It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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