he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
