Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
