I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
