why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
