HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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