i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
