i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
