I wish I only lived at night.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
