dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
