the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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