I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
