I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
