All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
