i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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