Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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