well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
