just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
