Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
