okay pat passed out under dana's car
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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