It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
