I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
